Never sleep sleepless

One of my friends told me that a critical issue in his office was resolved. It was a great relief for him. He told that he couldn’t even sleep for that whole night, thinking about it. I was certainly happy for him, but what caught my attention more, was his sleepless night. And I wondered if there is ever a point in sleeping sleeplessly. As it is said, no lock is made without a key, so there is always a way out of any situation or problem. Something or the other comes out. And better will come out if we sleep sound, rather than disturbed. Worrying will neither solve our problems nor will allow us to think differently. Worrying is a habit that we should get rid of.

Worrying is natural too. Whenever one encounters a problem or a difficult situation, he/she worries for the outcome. Beneath every such worry there is a fear: fear of failure, fear of being caught, fear of losing the dear ones etc. There are three key steps to combat such fear:

1.       Being truthful to yourself and others
2.       Being sincere in your deeds and intentions
3.       Having faith in God/ Destiny

Whenever you find yourself worrying, just think of these three simple points. It will result in fearless &  positive mind.  And, you can sleep tight all night!

Silence the Soul-jer

I was on phone with my sister. A routine call! After hearing how she and her son were doing I told her about how I was. Although we talk pretty often, yet I had loads of stuff to pour out on her. I spoke breathless without even waiting to hear “hmm”, “oh!”, “yea” from her, about my things at work, new recruitment strategy, difficulty people, bad weather in the town, latest hit to my car, new things my 2-yr old has learnt etc. As I paused after a while sensing some kind of blankness, I realized that phone had already disconnected (probably 7-8 minutes ago).

I felt odd.
Embarrassed!
Stupid!
Then funny
And, I laughed at myself.

It might be hard for many, who know me, to believe that I can be so chatty. I listen a great deal (professionally), and so it was amusing to see myself talking this way. But it was a moment, and I am glad it happened.

Talking, sharing, venting all is good. I always encourage everybody and my clients to express more and more, their thoughts and feelings (in a healthy way). Mobile phone in each hand makes it easy too. I remember 1.5 decade ago people had to wait for the ½ call rate or ¼ call rate time to make STD calls (in India). They would talk for a limited period, and of course only the important happenings in the past week. Today we can’t wait a second to pass on the information. Before we can realize and absorb what has happened to us, it would reach all the ‘close hearts and minds’. The need to tell and share seems increasing.

So what is the harm?
We lose a lot of energy. Not the physical energy for talking breathless, but the mental energy that we need to understand the experience.  Sometimes, not sharing but holding on to the ongoing tension gives the necessary energy to deal with the situation at hand in a better way.
I had some cases of newlywed couples going through adjustment difficulties. For many of them, the reason was over communication outside the new dyad system. A small conflict or even a difference of opinion between the couple would immediately get effused to the extended family. It is not bad always, though. You can certainly get useful ideas, suggestions and guidance. However, the continuous inflow of external fluid doesn’t let the core system to solidify. 

Shades of Green

Good teachers can bestow upon us the life-time aha! experiences.

I had atypical struggle during the first few weeks in USA. I was the only Indian in my department at TTU at that time. Although everyone around spoke English, yet I was not getting them fully. While all my other fellow Indian students (in different faculties) were comfortable with the accent and the language and the people, I was unsettled. The reason was that I was trying to hear more than what people were speaking. I was trying to read their body language, which was a bit difficult being new to the culture.

When I shared my problem with my adviser Dr. Chris Robitschek, she told me a story. There was a school boy who used to go down the street every day with his father. The street was filled with lush green trees and bushes around. His father would ask what color he sees, and he would say green. As the days passed, the boy started seeing more than just green color. He started differentiating between dark green and light green. With more time, he could tell even more shades of green in the same street.

With no more words from her, I could see how I was seeing just the green color. The story not only brought patience to me at the moment, but also unfolded many pieces of wisdom. In fact, it keeps coming back to me every time I come across a new situation. I have less anxiety and greater patience towards life. The story reminds me not to prejudge anyone or jump into conclusions. For I know, there could be more shades to what I am seeing now.

Life is full of wonders, mysteries and unexpected opportunities. An open mind makes living positive and fruitful. The story has relevance for both kinds of people: those who get satisfied soon, and those who quickly get impatient. It is easier to accept things, people or situation when we keep an optimistic attitude towards them. Such mind set not just keeps one motivated to work persistently towards his/her goal but also stimulates to strive for higher goals.

I like to share the story and thank my professor for enlightening me with so many shades of life.

You look just like my daughter living abroad

Last couple of weeks had been quite busy; I was seeing lots of candidates in a day for recruitment. One of them was a retired professor. He was looking for some meaningful occupation after spending a good career life. While we followed the routine procedure for the interview, we had a semi formal conversation during the session. 

When it got over and he was leaving, I stood up in honor and, in Indian traditional way, said Namaste and bye. To my surprise, in return, he wished me by putting his hand on my head. I was touched. In a formal setting with such a short acquaintance, it was unexpected.  As he left I recollected the conversation with him. He has two daughters who live in USA, and he had mentioned that I looked like one of them. And then instantly, I recalled meeting with two other persons in the last week. They had similar comments. “You look just like my daughter in USA”.

Of course, I can’t look alike with all of these daughters in USA.  But I could see some similarity in these parents. It was not the case that they were missing their children. They all seemed contented and settled with their life arrangements. I saw no regrets or complain in their eyes. They were apparently happy and proud of their children.  There was no unfulfilled desire to see them, hear them, or to know about them, thanks to the information technology!

But, there was something missing. Was that a longing to bless? It is difficult to understand a parent’s mind set or the ‘heart set’ for their children living far-far away. There is unsaid, unexpressed and even un-thought wish to be with their children: to share the sky they see and the air they breathe. I wonder if it is true that as one grows old his/her needs become similar to that of a child. Like the need to touch and feel the close-ones. For that matter, bless their children actually not virtually!