“बिटिया तंग तो नहीं कर रही? (Hope she is not troubling )

How to get out of this?

I was at semi formal dinner with my friends and colleagues.  For some reason I had to take my 4 yr old daughter along with me. While everyone was busy chatting and catching up, I was little off the discussion (focusing on her). And, one of my colleagues (not getting enough of my attention :)) remarked, “बिटिया तंग तो  नहीं कर रही?” (Hope she is not troubling) I said NO, and wondered if rather I am troubling her?

I was trying to make her sit properly and keep her on the table with everyone, while she wanted to wander here and there. And, why shouldn’t she? I wanted her to eat nicely with spoon, while she would enjoy eating by hands and picking the food across the plate. And, why shouldn’t she? When my friends wanted to talk to her, I was trying to make her reply nicely, and she was shy and moody. And, why shouldn’t she?   

In our efforts of disciplining the children at times we may go too far and restrict them from being themselves. I recall a couple of incidents that came across. Once my friend was at her neighbors’ house. The neighbor’s son was about 7 yr old. He was asking his mother for a robot (toy) which was kept far from his reach on the top of cupboard. His mother was not giving it to him, saying that toy was too expensive, and he might break it. And to add, she explained to him “Dad cannot buy this expensive toy for you every other day”!

In another incident, I was at a friends’ place, when she was telling me about her 3 yr old daughter's school and what all she has been learning.  Hearing us talking about her studies, my friend's daughter ran and took out her homework copy to show.  The moment she did so, someone at her home screamed, “Be careful! Take that book from her. She can not handle it properly. She might tear it apart”. And, it was snatched from her.

 

Could there be any better way to kill the excitement that little girl had in showing what she had written and learnt? It was HER book. What can be worse than that she can’t hold it, see it, feel it, and show it to others by herself?  How would it matter at the end of the day on how good the book/ copy is maintained? Why to have a toy with which the child can’t play but only see and crave for it? 

 Once I was away for a little while, when my daughter got a chance to open the drawer take out the cream box and put it all over her body. As I got back, I had two options: to be shocked and scream at her OR be amused and enjoy the moment. She certainly expected the first option from me, but I couldn’t satisfy her. I took out my cameras and made her pose for me. Probably did not discipline her the best way. But wasn’t that me who had created so much hype about the creme and never let her use it by herself- that she got so attracted, found a chance and attacked.

 

Moment the kid approaches the fridge, we shout “No no no, Do not open”; Or, as  they hold the breakable glass, we scream " don't drop it, it will break". if they try to carry their food   “don’t!, you can’t carry it, you will spill it”; as they hold pencil in their hands, "don't write on the wall"; don't run, you will fall down, don't operate that game like that, don't get on the couch with those dirty feet, don't throw your toy at TV, don't blow off the lamp in temple...

…and they know exactly what to do. We only give them the ideas- the ideas for catching our attention! 

Isn’t the children’s right to explore? Shouldn't the children be spontaneous, carefree and curious? It is interesting that when the child behaves like a child, we call it ‘trouble’! First we provide them the ideas, situations and pave the way towards their so called disruptive behavior and  when they follow it- THEY ARE TROUBLING US!  :)