From failure to success

"It always seems impossible until its done"     

-Nelson Mandela          

It was his birthday,13th March 2015, when one of the presents that he got took all of his attention. That was his basketball kit! He immediately wanted the basket to be hanged and start playing. Like any other kid he started spending most of his time playing his latest passion -basketball. He even started watching basketball matches on TV. We were delighted to see him taking interest in this game.

One day I came to know about a good basketball coaching in our neighborhood. As my son had always shown his interest in this game, I thought that he should join it. Hearing about it, he too got excited. On his first day of class he met few of his friends there and so was even happier. Then he and his ball were together all the time like best friends. At times, I used to get irritated with thap thap of the ball inside the house, but he was least bothered. He wanted to practice more and more, to pass the levels at the classes.

He regularly went to the classes and completed one year. However, somehow he was not able to pass the levels as required in the class. While most of his friends were getting promoted to the next levels, he had passed only one level. He was disheartened and depressed. We tried to motivate him by telling the importance of sport as a good exercise, for building stamina and tried to make him hopeful and positive. However, he decided to stop going for the classes. Although not very happy with his decision, we agreed.

Even though he had stopped going to the classes, he had not given up the game. He used to play in school, in his physical education period, about which we were not aware. One day his sports teacher noticed him playing basketball, and asked him if he is willing to join the basketball practice session in morning at 6 a.m. He got super excited and immediately said "yes".

He came home with a very big smile on his face. After knowing the reason of the smile we asked him "are you serious? You really want to join this game again?" He confidently said "yes". We said "it’s too early and your school is too far.  Will you be able to wake up so early?" His answer was yes again. His willingness made us very happy. Next morning, he woke up at 4.45 a.m. and went to school with his dad. After few days we received a circular that he is selected for the school basketball team for the upcoming tournament. He was on cloud nine. He played extremely well in the tournament and their team won.


                                          

We could easily see the new confidence in him. He wanted to join the classes again for his regular practice. We were proud of his decision and self-motivation. Regular practice and dedication had given him a place in his team. There was a time when he had lost his confidence, but the best part was he never stopped playing the game even though success seemed far from him. I feel moving away from that depressing field that time was a right decision. Doing so, did not let the sportsman spirit in him fade. Every child needs motivation and when motivation is not there they start losing interest in that area. It is always better to take them away from that area.  Once they are charged with positivity they can do that activity with more energy.

     Writer:  Loveleen Bhandari     

Wound That Didn’t Hurt

Sometimes apparently worst moments in life are the sweetest ones. I am going to share my experience with you that how an unpleasant accident turned into a pleasant experience and a lifetime learning. Last summer, while holidaying in a beautiful town of South Africa, Plattinberg bay, with family friends I met with an accident, and ironically that helped me to overcome my worst fears.

It was a lazy morning and not being a morning person I wanted to enjoy late morning sleep. My husband, nevertheless, insisted for a morning walk as everyone was going to the beach and I agreed. So, early in the morning on the beach waiting for sun to rise and waves to sleep, all of us were taking a stroll and capturing the beauty. I was collecting the shells like a desperate little girl to take home. When done, alone I went to put the shells in the hotel room, which was just right across the road along with the beach. But something else was destined.

I noticed two unleashed ferocious dogs coming my way on the lonely road. I was too scared to understand anything so I started running to save my life. Out of fear I dropped all the meticulously collected shells on the road. I ran as fast as a deer. I looked back to check the dogs and they too were chasing me at a jet speed. I ran even faster, surely could win the marathon. All of sudden my chappals flipped, all black out and I fell off on the sloppy road with rocks all over, sliding for a couple of meters. Interestingly, the dogs didn’t touch me at all.

Lying on the road unable to stand up, I shouted for help. My nephew coming this way saw me and called everyone. He got panicked. I was almost bathed in the blood; my face had long bruises but for the eyes and lips. The elbows, knees, feet, palms were badly hurt and bleeding, clothes were torn as well. Seeing me in this state, my kids started crying, my husband too got tears in his eyes. Everyone got worried. They wondered how come one can get this much hurt by simply falling. They all helped me to stand and made me sit.

            I was given the first aid at the hotel reception and then taken to the hospital for dressing and injection.  It was quite an experience on a foreign land and it was only 8 am in the morning. So much happened but I didn’t cry at all. I did not know why? I asked myself, “That’s it? Is this the pain all I have to bear?" It didn’t hurt much, really. The fear of pain even from the smallest of accidents was far more painful than the reality. All of sudden I became so strong and courageous, prepared to face anything. 

Earlier that morning, I was a fearful person who always had apprehensions about accidents in day to day life. Getting burnt with the iron while ironing, scars from hot tawa while cooking, cuts from the knives while cutting, hot water or oil spilled over hands and feet, needle pricking, slipping on the wet floor or bathroom, tumbling down from the stairs, fingers coming amidst the door or car windows, road accidents while crossing roads etc.  that are so common to imagine. I always felt that I was vulnerable to such accidents at any time. I had similar worries for the closed ones too. The negative thoughts used to overpower my mind. These apprehensions made me mentally weak. Anticipation of fears and pains would bother me and I would end up wasting lots of time and energy thinking of something which actually never happened. I was always cowered with the fear of pain and its consequences. Before this accident I was living in the virtual pain and threat, which was never mine.

But finally, wounds taught me to live fearlessly. I realized that we need not to be prepared for any pain or injury or accidents because when they have to happen they just happen. We don’t need any homework. Karmas don’t spare anyone but good karma saves us too. And we all get courage to face it and live it. So chill! Live a king size life. I was liberated from the fear of pain.  However, after that incident, I have been advising myself not to go for morning walks- morning sleeps can be as healthy and safe ;)

Writer: Ritika Bohra

Last in race

“I do not like to come last in the race.” She uttered timidly. She was looking at me with watery eyes. As I held her hands, tears rolled down to her cheeks. She curled into my arms. I could sense the pain in her voice. There wasn’t any anguish or frustration. She was sad! She settled in my arms quietly for the while. I didn’t know anything to say but to hold her tight in my arms providing motherly warmth. Her sorrowful tenderness was touching my heart.

She had taken part in swimming competition in her school champions’ league. Races have not been her “thing”. Although, she has been taking part since nursery, the trophies have not yet got chance to be in her hands (until now). She recently had learnt swimming and was doing well. She was enjoying being in water; but racing was still not her idea. She had expressed her non interest in swimming competition mildly, it was decided otherwise.

It was thought that she should be at least participating, no matter how she performs. Participation is important! She may not be amongst the top few today; but she would be getting the experience which she wouldn’t otherwise sitting at home. She might be inspired to work harder and smarter. She would be energized seeing others and she would learn something. She should be exposed to as many activities at this age. So what if she doesn’t win, she still would be running. Coming last in race would still mean that she was a runner. This year at least she qualified for swimming by knowing how to swim. So being part of the show was important.

            After coming from the school she had very indifferently reported that she was the last. We talked about how the competition was organized and who were the winners. It was only after a few hours of her settling down at home, that she conveyed her feelings to me. After comforting her, the ‘shrink’ in me asked her, “what bothers her about being the last”. I really did not want to make a big deal about it, so in a light humor, I asked how does she know if she was the last and not the last-but-one while she was swimming and supposed to be keeping her head down and just focus on herself? We chilled and versed together as always, “हारने वालों का भी एक रुतबा होता है , मलाल वो करें जो दौड़ में शामिल ही न थे". Eventually, had her choice of pizza treat that day.

Although, it did not remain deep in her mind, (as much a mother would know!), her sadness of the moment did make me ponder. I wondered if she is gaining any experience in this exercise or actually loosing something? Should she be selective on which competitions to take part, like many other children, and choose where she has better chances to win? Race- a different kind of sport! What does it teach us? Life is no race at all. We all have our own journey of wins and losses. Coming last in the race only means that one did not get the award this time.  Our happiness and peace in life- are they dependent on how others are performing?

“बिटिया तंग तो नहीं कर रही? (Hope she is not troubling )

How to get out of this?

I was at semi formal dinner with my friends and colleagues.  For some reason I had to take my 4 yr old daughter along with me. While everyone was busy chatting and catching up, I was little off the discussion (focusing on her). And, one of my colleagues (not getting enough of my attention :)) remarked, “बिटिया तंग तो  नहीं कर रही?” (Hope she is not troubling) I said NO, and wondered if rather I am troubling her?

I was trying to make her sit properly and keep her on the table with everyone, while she wanted to wander here and there. And, why shouldn’t she? I wanted her to eat nicely with spoon, while she would enjoy eating by hands and picking the food across the plate. And, why shouldn’t she? When my friends wanted to talk to her, I was trying to make her reply nicely, and she was shy and moody. And, why shouldn’t she?   

In our efforts of disciplining the children at times we may go too far and restrict them from being themselves. I recall a couple of incidents that came across. Once my friend was at her neighbors’ house. The neighbor’s son was about 7 yr old. He was asking his mother for a robot (toy) which was kept far from his reach on the top of cupboard. His mother was not giving it to him, saying that toy was too expensive, and he might break it. And to add, she explained to him “Dad cannot buy this expensive toy for you every other day”!

In another incident, I was at a friends’ place, when she was telling me about her 3 yr old daughter's school and what all she has been learning.  Hearing us talking about her studies, my friend's daughter ran and took out her homework copy to show.  The moment she did so, someone at her home screamed, “Be careful! Take that book from her. She can not handle it properly. She might tear it apart”. And, it was snatched from her.