I was on phone with my sister. A routine call! After hearing how she and her son were doing I told her about how I was. Although we talk pretty often, yet I had loads of stuff to pour out on her. I spoke breathless without even waiting to hear “hmm”, “oh!”, “yea” from her, about my things at work, new recruitment strategy, difficulty people, bad weather in the town, latest hit to my car, new things my 2-yr old has learnt etc. As I paused after a while sensing some kind of blankness, I realized that phone had already disconnected (probably 7-8 minutes ago).
I felt odd. Embarrassed!
Stupid!
Then funny
And, I laughed at myself.
It might be hard for many, who know me, to believe that I can be so chatty. I listen a great deal (professionally), and so it was amusing to see myself talking this way. But it was a moment, and I am glad it happened.
Talking, sharing, venting all is good. I always encourage everybody and my clients to express more and more, their thoughts and feelings (in a healthy way). Mobile phone in each hand makes it easy too. I remember 1.5 decade ago people had to wait for the ½ call rate or ¼ call rate time to make STD calls (in India). They would talk for a limited period, and of course only the important happenings in the past week. Today we can’t wait a second to pass on the information. Before we can realize and absorb what has happened to us, it would reach all the ‘close hearts and minds’. The need to tell and share seems increasing.
So what is the harm?
We lose a lot of energy. Not the physical energy for talking breathless, but the mental energy that we need to understand the experience. Sometimes, not sharing but holding on to the ongoing tension gives the necessary energy to deal with the situation at hand in a better way.
I had some cases of newlywed couples going through adjustment difficulties. For many of them, the reason was over communication outside the new dyad system. A small conflict or even a difference of opinion between the couple would immediately get effused to the extended family. It is not bad always, though. You can certainly get useful ideas, suggestions and guidance. However, the continuous inflow of external fluid doesn’t let the core system to solidify.
